Pretend
by proud-yaoi-fangirl
Summary: Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades, centuries, mullinia? How much time had elapsed from one moment to the next? He couldnt recall. no pairing, deathfic.


**Hi guys... I know i should be updating Voluntary Separation but Im suffering from a slight bout of writers block, and senior year is kickin my ass allready... the only reason I even wrote this was because I was reading someone else angsty bit on OHC and the plot bunnies attacked... it was terrifying they pounced and locked me in a closet blaring bad uber repetative techno music. I couldnt stop it... well anyways here is this you know the drill R&R or I will set the plot bunnies on you. -**

**Disclaimer: common do you really think I own OHC?? No if I did Haruhi would have been pushed off the balcany before she even made it to the music room... and all the guys would have paired off nicely. **

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He sat on the edge of the tub the sharp edge running smoothly over his skin, though not breaking it. This was like drawing the coarse for a ship, he looked for a smooth unmarred surface, which was lacking on the small expanse of skin. The blade finally sank into warmth, slicing like butter. He watched... It didn't bleed immediately, no it stung and swelled, seeming to grow with the feeling. He watched as the skin started to spread, curling ever so slightly over itself as the first spots of pink appeared there. Soon a small rivulet of crimson ran down his thigh. He breathed a sigh of relief as he watched, the sharp physical pain bringing a slow numbness to the overbearing emotional one. Finally he pulled his pants up, not bothering to wipe up the blood, he looked in the mirror and gasped afraid of the image staring back at him. For a moment he thought he'd been caught he saw disappointment and anger in the deep green eyes that stared back at him. But they were his own. His disappointment in himself and the overwhelming self hatred. No he was alone and his secret was still his to bare as he knew it would be. The scars were tucked carefully away on his inner thigh, away from the prying eyes of his fans, from the searching eyes of his peers, and from the loving eyes of his brother. No this was his silent shame, his secret, his and only his no one else would know. Not if he could help it.So he plastered a smile onto his handsome face and fixed his eyes into a happy kind of indifference.

Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades, centuries, mellinia? How much time had elapsed from one moment to the next? He couldn't recall. He remembered the sharp pain, the beautiful crimson stream drying becoming a grotesque imprint of its former glory. He remembered smiling and whispering the practiced words to his brother, his double, his other half. Pretending for just a moment that they were whole again. That no one had entered their world and created the chasm between them. It was nice to pretend. He remembered the bile that rose in his throat as he remembered he was just pretending. And he remembered the exact moment he knew it was over. But how much time remained between the events was unknown, was inconsequential.

He walked slowly through the woods taking in the unknown beauty. At this moment he wished that he had spent more time here, wished that he had dared to wander in without his twin. Maybe if he had his path would have been different, but for now his coarse was charted. He walked deeper and deeper miles passed slowly as the day wore on, but that didn't matter he had all the time in the world. Finally he stopped it wasn't a pretty place, small sharp rocks littered the ground as small bugs scurried away from his feet. but it smelled of moss and clover flowers. He smiled as the memories flooded his tired mind.

Two small red headed children running through the lawn saving all the clover flowers from the lawn mower. Identical bodies streched out in the soft sun heated moss. The same bodies being covered in red nailpolish after having red bugs dig into their skin from the moss. Happy voices, happy children, happy memories.

And it was those memories and the empty pill bottle that lulled him into a deep peaceful sleep.

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**Thank you very much for reading this angsty bit... I would really like to hear your veiws on it, and before I get 483432432942930472390 people asking me who it was that died... I perposely made it vauge, it could be either one of the twins, so whoever you feel died is who died. If you really want to know who I personally wrote it for you can ask and I will tell you... but I want to hear who you guys think it is... Review please. holds up caged plot bunnies or else**

**Love allways  
B-chan**


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